Awesome words of wisdom, support and love!!!!!!!!

Last edited by GinaMylano on Tue Mar 23, 2010 5:18 am; edited 4 times in total

So a couple of weeks ago, there was a thread over at the original WildSide board on Alt from one our members who was feeling pretty down and had some issues that MANY going through during early stages of transition. The outpouring of support, love and lots of wisdom was so overwhelming that I felt that thread needed to be saved and read by others who have had (or are having) similar issues.

This is like, verbatim from the WS thread. I've basically just transcribed it, so that's why all the posts come from me, but I'm only relaying awesome, individual messages from WildSider's in each post. I make mention of where the original poster is talking, and my two cents; as well! This thread is real, it's compassionate, it's honest, it's caring and it's a totally good read. Of course, the names have been changed/altered to protect the fabulous..

"Confidence shot to "SHIT"

Please do not take what I am about to say the wrong way...I had a GREAT!!! time out with all you new friends, but my confidence has been ROCKED!!! As a retired Officer, I'm trained to look at peoples facial expressions and body language and what I seen as people passed me on the street was confusion, embarrassment and some trying to hold back a laugh. The night I got home I cried myself to sleep and have been very!!! depressed ever since. This was and still is my biggest fear that my face will never pass and I will NEVER!!! I know people will tell me I look great and that I can pass but they are wrong. Yes, I can pass for a good looking drag queen but that's not what I want... I want to be excepted as a real female.
This has shot my confidence to the point that if I did not have my flight and hotel booked for VWS I would NOT!!! be attending. The only functions I will attend are the VWS hotel parties

Why do I feel like such a freak.

SORRY!! for spelling/grammar but I am very depressed and crying as I type this"

"Oh good gawd, don't be such a fucking pussy about it!

You mean, you went out on the street for the first time ever, and nobody said SHIT to you? Sorry, but I score that one in the win column. Besides, it does get better over time. You'll learn how to pass better (remember all that stuff I said about dressing down), and you'll become more and more unphased by people's reactions. I consider promoting transgender awareness as a valuable public service.

Also, do expect that hormone therapy will make your face more passable, both by reducing masculine facial lines (these are testosterone driven) and adding baby fat and feminizing the face. If you're really worried about it, you could also look into a variety of facial surgeries.

I've said it before and will say it many times again, transition is not for sissies!"

"Please do not take what I am about to say the wrong way, but it doesn't matter what other people think. You are you if you feel yourself to be you. Accept yourself for what you are, be the best you can be, and hang out with people that love you that way.

I have never met you, so I don't really know what you look like, but I do know that if you make your happiness dependant on fooling strangers into believing you're a GG, you are giving them all the power and setting yourself up for disappointment. It is no different than depending on others for validation of your charm, humor, intelligence, generosity, etc. You have to find that love inside yourself.

Ask yourself how you really, truly feel about your girl side. If you love her, then nurture her and be the best you; you can. Then, come to Las Vegas and be with people who accept her as she is and glory in your femininity!"

From the original poster...

I listen VERY!!! hard to every thing you tell me and I try to implement it when I can. Thats why I started that post about dressing down. I remembered it was you that told me about dressing down but I did not know if you wanted me to mention your name.
Also I have been looking for a plastic surgeon but my Doc told me to wait untill after April. she knows of talks with GHI and they may cover my FFS and GRS.

I do not care what anyone says about me or to me. What got me so depresed was the fact that they did react, this indicated to me that I am not passable. ( YET!!! ) I went through alot just to accept me and now that I have, NO ONE!!! is going to stop me. I look forward to seeing all my WildSide sisters again.

Thank you both for your help. This means alot to me.
Once alt approves my new photos I will make one of them my default photo and you can tell me whats wrong with me or how I'm dressed.

BTW
It could be the hormones sending me on an emotional rollercoaster ride"

"Women generally don't make eye contact the same way men do, and certainly aren't scrutinizing facial expressions the way a police officer would.

Maybe some of the reactions you were seeing were a response to the (apparently) challenging stares you were giving people. Staring people down is a form of dominance not generally practiced by women out for the evening. People get uncomfortable, and can react inappropriately, when a stranger is openly studying their facial expressions.

If no one actually said or did anything to you, I'd score this in the win column overall. If you can project confidence and control, rather than governing your behavior by others' reactions, you will feel a lot better about going out."

"I concur... Please.... Please, do not let others ruin your experience for you.... after all, going out in public is just a step toward reaching your goal.... Look away or do your best to ignore them and don't look back... If they know they have upset you by ridiculing you while you are out, they have won... most of the time it doesn't happen but the time or times that it does happen you have to be strong enough, (and I don't mean physically)to let it roll of your back... By what I can see, you appear to be very attractive, curvy and well dressed... Like the two sistas above me say be strong and nurture yourself... Fuck what others think!!! It only matters what you think. AT this point, it may appear that you might need some positive stroking and feedback... I don't doubt you will find the reassurance you need here among others who share what you feel... Be good to yourself."

"All due respect, but you're not getting me. A person who finds they don't pass and takes that as a signal that they have improvements to make is one thing. However, feeling like a freak and getting depressed about it is another matter. It is within the realm of possibility that after everything you do to feminize yourself, you may still not pass. What then? You have to be at peace with who you are regardless - and that involves self-love, without conditions."

"Be comfortable with who you are. I had similar feelings when I started going out again last year. You know, are they staring, what are they thinking, etc. Well I have gotten better and better with my makeup and stuff and have decided that I so much love going out as a woman that I don't care what they think. In fact if I sense someone staring now I usually look at them and give them a wink."

This my original two cents on the subject... Razz

"Sweetie, ya gotta slow down and breathe a lil bit!

First off, I gotta say, I fucking HATE the word passing! Who gets to judge if we pass in our own lives or not? Is it the elusive "they" we always here about?? If people aren't down with you, I say give them a big, double barrel NYC FUCK U!

Now, that being said, and I don't want to rattle you anymore, but I think it's time for some constructive criticism. Remember, I'm saying this cause I love, and want to see you succeed; remember that! One of the keys to success here is blending in...looking NATURAL! I say this only trying to help, but you gotta lose the blue eye shadow! No offense to anyone, but it seems a lil to RuPaulish to me. Get yourself a professional makeover or some make up lessons. Find out what colors "you are" and that will help give you a more natural look. I'd also look for another wig. The hairline looks too low and unnatural. It looks totally "wiggy", if ya know what I mean! It took me about 9 different styles before I had found the style that suited me. Ya just can't look at a wig on a model and say "oh yeah, that will work for me". Ain't gonna happen!!! You have to think of your facial shape and how the hair is going to accentuate that. The key word here again is NATURAL! You need to think of subtle, natural looking colors (you are on the right track by staying close to your own hair color!!) and how the hair lies on your head and around your face. Lastly, I think YOU HAVE to find a wig that has bangs! I know bangs aren't totally the preferred look for everyone, but unless you are a magician with make up and spirit gum and all that theatrical stuff, there is no more deadly give away than that horrific "wig" hairline! It just SCREAMS fake hair and at least with bangs, you are able to hide that fake hairline!

Another thing I'd do is get out that lil camera of yours and start taking hundreds upon hundreds of pix of yourself! Better yet, do video. Fuck all those sexy pose bullshit and just concentrate on being real. I know you like football, so I have an analogy for ya, think of pic or video taking as your "pre-season". Take that "film" and study it! I'll tell you this, I learned more about how to present myself from my bad pictures than the best one I ever took! Instead of instantly deleting the pix you don't like, blow them up! Study them, make notes, critique yourself unmercifully! You'll find that seeing a totally gnarly pic of yourself (and trust me, I've seen tens of THOUSANDS of my own), sobers ya up and makes you think of ways to alleviate whatever was so bad in that pic, so it doesn't happen again!

Think of things like this, you basically trying to unlearn an entire lifetime of male mannerisms and in it's place trying to replace that with things women learned in their pre-teens and beyond, right? Remember, being a girl is just as much about attitude and mannerisms than it is about looks!!!! I spent YEARS studying women! I'm sure to them I was just some pervy looking "guy" but there was nothing sexual about my staring. I was studying how they dressed, how they talked, how they used their hands when they talk, how they got up from a chair, how they sat down, how they walked, held a fork or a glass, even how they hold the damn steering wheel. And guess what, I still do it! It's never ending, you never stop picking up hints and tips on ways to make yourself more feminine! I say, get yourself a subscription to a couple of women's magazines and READ them from cover to cover every month!! As silly as it may sound, look into getting Teen Cosmo (actually called Cosmo Girl). Getting a magazine like that is going to give you some basics that women learned years ago. I also like Allure cause I always learn tricks and tips that even gg's may not know yet and it's huge help, plus you see what things are in style, and basically just helps immerse yourself in feminine ways.

Sharon is right, transition ain't for sissies! It takes a VERY strong person to go through what we go through, and it's funny, I wouldn't wish being trans on my worst enemy, but I also wouldn't change it for the world. I relish it, and I work everyday to try and make it more and more "mine". You gotta get out more, cause then and ONLY then, will you gain the confidence you need to make it in this world. Unless you have a job as a professional "shut in"! So when I hear you say things like "I'm only going to the suite parties" or whatever, I say BULLSHIT!!!! You may as well just tear up your ticket and stay home. I don't mean to sound like a total bitch, hun, but seriously, this is your chance of a lifetime, don't blow it! You have an opportunity to expand and explore who you REALLY are with the love and support of your friends all around you! Support breeds confidence, babe!! Trust me, I know this from experience! I was in almost the EXACT same boat as you when I went to Vegas in 2007! I never went out, I only really interacted over the computer. But going going on that trip and PROMISING myself that I was gonna kick that shy person to the curb and embrace GINA was paramount to where I am today! Being around such wonderfully compassionate people and the support and friendship they gave me; gave me the courage to do things I never thought I'd be doing. Simple shit like going to a grocery store, or sitting down in a crowded restaurant. But once I did these things and realized the sky wasn't falling in, it just gave me the strength and drive to push my boundaries further and further. YOU have this chance on this trip to Vegas, sweetie! PLEASE, PLEASE, don't squander this golden opportunity for personal growth and confidence building!

Sorry for going off like that Sweetie, ya know I love ya! If I didn't I wouldn't have spent the last 45 minutes writing this. I know your confidence is low, but you have to remember, this whole process of transition and anything else you want to call it, is a really slow one and you have to have gobs and gobs of patience to make it work right! You are gonna have setbacks, no doubt, but from those you just make yourself stronger, you learn from them negatives and MAKE them positives and continue moving forward!!!

I do hope you feel better, Babe!! We all got your back, so onward and upward!!"

"Oh Sweetheart,

You're not alone! Remember how many GG's out there hate the way they look. They are self conscious and think people are looking at them strange or there's something wrong with their nose, hair, butt, waste, etc. You are on the life-time path of self acceptance just like any human being.

haha! as an example I'm so self-conscious the only time I go out dressed is on halloween, mardi gras, or a private occasion and I do it with a mask b/c nobody thinks it strange then. You're way ahead of me hon and much better looking."

"what can I say .........

If your smart you'll injest every bit of wisdom that has been offered here, it all GOLDEN !!!

Injest it, absorb it, study and memorize every word until each bit of advice is so ingrained in your mind that it becomes part of you. Know it so well that it influences your thought patterns, that when a situation happens and you begin to think like the old you, your new lessons come to mind and you respond following the new thought process."

From the original poster...

"Thanks for that kick in the ass. I know this will be a long and hard road but with the WildSide keeping me on track and with all that good advice, I know I will succeed.

Gina, Thanks for giving it to me straight. I love your negative feed back on my photo. I will try to implement what you have told me. I am growing out my real hair and it is down to my jawline but I do not know if that will be long enough to style ?

I have been thinking about what you said all day "It is within the realm of possibility that after everything you do to feminize yourself, you may still not pass. What then?" All I can come up with is I don't know. I think I would be in BIG!!! trouble.

Thanks to everyone for the advice and comments.

For me passing means Societies acceptance of me and is this not what we all strive for ?"

This is again from me...

"You are most welcome, Baby! I totally didn't want to come off as overly harsh, but none of us get any better without some constructive criticism!

As for society accepting you, you need to be comfortable and at peace in your own skin first. Society is like a big herd of sheep...you lead, they will follow!!!! So if you feel natural and comfy, so will they!!!!"

{quote} "For me passing means Societies acceptance of me and is this not what we all strive for ? {end quote}

I think it depends how you mean this. To some degree we all seek communion with others. This is a requirement of our survival from the time of our birth, so it is deeply ingrained in most persons, useful and natural. An extension of this is the love and warmth we seek in loving, supportive relationships.

If that is what you mean, then I would say "yes."

However, if you mean a need to feel we are observing all the rules, regulations, and social mores placed upon us by Society.... then I have to say, "not always."

To some degree this helps us all live in communities. That is, for most of us, a requirement. But taken too far this may harm us. We lose our identity. So it is a matter of where you fall on that continuum.

As to your broader question....

Tons of good advice has already been given, and by persons "in the know" so I'll not even go there. But I will add something for your consideration in terms of getting over what sounds to me like an anxiety issue, or something similar.

EFT. Emotional Freedom Techniques. There is a web site ( emofree ) created by Gary Craig, the founder of EFT. I would suggest you spend some time browsing his web site, and for sure, download his free PDF manual and give it a read. Good stuff!"

"The very first time I went out in public was about a week after I became me! And I did it alone. In San Francisco. Driving my car with a 5 speed manual transmission 120 miles there and back in stiletto heeled black leather thigh highs. I had never driven a car in Heels before. I Parked the car on the street, got out and walked to Diva's and was whistled at and 'Hey Baby'd' & all that.
The next week, Halloween, I was out again, Alone. In San Francisco and having a wonderful time at TrannyShack with Wonderful new friends. Except that on the way home I destroyed a tire on my car & had to wait for a tow truck to come by & change my tire ... At 4 AM. While I stood there & watched. En Femme.

It was Magic!

I have never been afraid of going out since. I've walked 3 miles of San Francisco city streets in black leather thigh highs Alone. (Well, because I had to & there were no cabs in sight). I've walked through the Heart of the Tenderloin at 3:30 AM for block after block back to my hotel without so much as a sideways glance. I've boldly swayed into Hotel Lobbies, Banks, convenience stores, and on and on sometimes in the company of my sisters and sometimes alone. No matter. I Showed No Fear! I think it was my attitude more than anything that saw me through. Well, that and other things as well. But Attitude certainly made a big difference.

I think I developed a certain level of confidence that could not be shaken. Even when I have noticed people looking at me weird it really didn't bother me all that much. I just kept on walking tall. Fuck 'em! I can't help what other people are going to think or say. But I can Damn Sure do a lot about how I Feel inside. It doesn't matter to me what others Say/think/Feel. I have no control over that. It matters what I Say/Think/Feel. I have control over that.

I really do hope that your recent public experience won't deter you from coming to Las Vegas. If you want to have an opportunity to really spread your wings and do it in the company of people that Love & Support you, then you simply Must come! I went last year and the experience shot me forward on my path by Light Years. Seriously.

I don't know what more I can add. I'm just trying to buoy you up a little from what little knowledge & experience I have. Plus it's really late and I'm seeing things kinda blurry. But after reading everyone's input (And all you had to say as well) I just had to say something.

Please come to Vegas!!"

"You're probably one of the most fortunate women on Wild Side! Why? Well, neither to 'coin', nor overuse, an expression, what better way to 'come out' than with your friends! With those who have "Been there," and, yes, with those who are still there.
With Angels.

We never stop learning or growing,- that's a 'given'. And we're constantly lifted by victories, and racked by challenges: as people, citizens in our communities, workers on the job, members of our families,... So why should expressing our identities be any different?
It's not. But it has to be done. If not for our peace of mind, then for our sanity.

On the Bright side, just think of where your head will be two months from now! Wow! A week of socializing and shopping and crying and sharing and clean sheets will be like Grace to a sinner. You'll still have 'bad hair days', but I can guarantee that you'll be using your sunglasses only as protection from the sun,- and not as a mask.

There must be dozens and dozens of others here that wish they were in your very shoes. Honest. You took the first step- your Friends will help you with the next."

"There is a lot of really good advice here from women who know from experience things neither of us have. I know where you are coming from as I am in the same boat as you. I will freely admit I have confidence issues when I go out. But one thing I have been told over and over is if you have confidence in who you are then people won't notice you. If you lack confidence you are always looking at peoples faces to see their reaction. That right there is a HUGE tell to someone that there is something wrong. Answer me this do you look at everyone's face in the eye when you are dressed as a guy? No, you don't but I bet you do as a girl. That will draw attention to you every time and cause people to wonder what is wrong.

My first time going out after starting my transition was Halloween last year. Gawd, the makeup was horrible but I had a blast and flirted with everyone. It really boosted my self esteem. After that I practiced my makeup over and over and then started going out to clubs dressed in the same clothing most women wear around here when they go out to a club. Jeans, nice top and shoes or boots. NORMAL clothing and have always had a great time. I go to my therapy sessions dressed and if anyone notices me while at a stop light I just smile and wink out them. Oh, and I know I can still improve on my makeup by a wide margin and hope some of the ladies in Vegas will give a hint or two.

VWS is going to be a HUGE step for me. One of these life changing things people talk about. I am not going to be bringing any male clothing. The only clothing in my baggage will be womens. I am going to be WHO I AM AND FUCK EVERYONE all week. Erm... Wait... Did that come out right?

I am even leaving home en femme, getting in a taxi and boarding the plane as a woman. Am I scared shitless? You bet, but I think it is something I need to break me out of this irrational fear. Being around all of these great girls and guys in Vegas is going to be a healing advantage and I am going to damned well grab on and ride this pony to the end. I am planning on Vegas being my coming out party to the world where I can finally start living Full Time. Hell I have been on hormones for over 10 months and it's about damned time.

So, maybe you need to do what I am doing. Leave all of your boy clothing at home and just bring girl clothing to Vegas and BE YOU ALL WEEK. It might do wonders for you.

And to everyone who has posted in this thread I thank you. You may have only been thinking you were helping one person but anyone in her shoes really appreciates it. I know I do."

"When you're out and about in boy mode... at the mall, at the park, in the grocery store... do you ever see crossdressers or tgirls? probably not. i know i never do. why? not because they're so amazingly passable that we can't tell they're there. but because, quite simply, they're not there. in 2010, tgirls just don't do these things. sure, maybe in SF or West Hollywood. but not in 99.9% of the towns and cities in the U.S.

You see, we're very early in the game here. whether we feel like it or not, we're trailblazers. the girls in this group formed to throw a party and have some fun. but there's so much more than that going on here. you see the names on this thread, and you see Gina and Shannon and Nikki and Missy and Janie and Lola. But you might as well be seeing Lewis and Clark. Ponce de Leon, and Magellan. Trailblazers! Right now, believe it or not, you're getting advice directly from Cesar Chavez and Martin Luther King. And if you have the courage to venture out? You're Rosa Fuckin' Parks. You're Paul Revere and Crispus Attucks. You're the kid standing in front of a tank in Tiannamon Square.

Am i overdramatizing things? Absolutely, but does the analogy work? Absolutely. In 2010, every girl who ventures out is carrying on her own little, quiet little Stonewall. Because this is how it begins. There's an old saying, "Pioneers get the arrows, settlers get the land." The looks you got are the arrows. Maybe some day we'll get the land.

You want acceptance? Well so do blacks, women, and gays. They've been fighting for decades and they still don't have it. (Don't believe me? Come to a bar in my little hometown and listen to the conversation to hear in what esteem the average millworker holds blacks, women, and gays!)

I doubt you'll ever see us mentioned in the history books. I doubt Hollywood will make movies about our revolution. And if they do they'll get gg's like Felicity Huffman or Nicole Kidman to star in our roles. (Because tgirls still won't be accepted.)

Sharon says this ain't for sissies. And she's right. (So funny to me that "sissy" literally means coward. wtf!? the "sissies" i know are some the bravest people i've ever met.)

i go out to a tgirl club in LA called SHINE. i have a ball there. but every once in a while i just stand back and stare across the room. it's a pretty amazing sight. people from all walks of life. people of all different sizes. people at all different stages of their feminine progression. i see them all. but mostly... i see smiles. and i hear laughter.

And Wild Side is kinda like that.

i'm not going to try to twist your arm. You will do whatever it is that you wish to do. A dear online friend of mine just informed me that she's giving this up. The stress and pressure from outside forces was too much for her. i didn't agree with her decision, but i support her 100%. because this is her life. and she has to live it her way.

And so do you.

The hardest thing in the world to be is yourself. That's true of everyone... tgirls, parents, teachers, politicians, engineers. We all fight the same battle every day. To be ourselves. Tgirls just do it in a more pronounced way. in a pretty unaccepting environment.

But let me tell you, if you wish that someone could change the world for you. if you wish someone could make everyone in the world change their thinking and embrace us as we are... then join us.

Because, in our own little way, every time we venture out, every time we parade through a casino, every time we get dirty looks and keep on strutting... that's exactly what we're doing.

Oh, and btw, to the rest of the world that might be reading this: if you want passable? go fuck a football."

"A couple of things .....

You haven't been on hormones all that long, I have no doubt that they are a contributing factor to your euphoric highs and your debilitating, depressive lows. anyone who has been on them knows exactly what your going through, can relate and remember the mood swings they went through. Ya just got to ride it out till your body adjusts, which may take quite some time.

did you know that up until about 5 or 6 years ago I was paranoid of being out in public dressed ?
ask Sharon. I used to tell her how envious I was of her and her ability to walk the streets of Vancouver, go to restaurants etc, I couldn't do that. It was she that inspired me, in the area of self confidence and other aspects
whenever I went dressed into a place like a 7-11, I thought everyone was staring at me and whispering about me. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. When were nervous it's human nature to perceive everyone is staring at us, so prolly half the time they really were and the other half they likely actually weren't. half the time the giggles were just giggles, not snickers directed at me, but I kept pushing my boundarys, kept facing my fears, and gradually ( ever so gradually) I became more comfortable. and you know what, as I became more comfortable, I became more passable. People pick up on fear and nervousness, and that adds to your "readability".

Anyway, you know me, and you know I'll go anywhere now. You may look at my photos and say " hmmm, not bad" but guess what, I STILL GET READ , not all the time but a lot of times, but it doesn't bother me. Like you, I yearn for the day that it never happens, but its an ongoing process, and one day, god willing and the barn don't burn down ( or one of those backwoodsy expressions) ......... but in reaching the point I'm at today I've become a much stronger, more self confidant person in all aspects of my life.

Gina's advice is a treasure chest of wisdom, but if you were to distill it all down to one overriding message in three words, I think she'd say that is
study, study, study

As Sharon said, "Transitioning isn't for sissys",
if you cant stand the heat get out of the fire,
but you don't seem to me to be one who shys away from something because it will be tough.

and finally , I also like Allure, ...and InStyle"

"To whomever else that is reading through this thread,

The insightful and encouraging comments above are a golden wealth of experience shared in a manner that just screams loving support. Life will never truly be distilled down to what works and what doesn't nor are there simple receipes on how to change from thinned skinned to thick. However the altitude of your attitude toward yourself is important to address daily to insure that you believe how absolutely worthy your are as a human... and thus begin to appreciate your beautiful self as others right here see you. The cultures of the world are so diverse yet it is our path through this world that is important to how we engage ourselves in it. By taking a positive approach to where ever you go in it, do it in a manner that validates your belonging in this world. Your belonging is so important kiddo. All the slogans and witty repartee cannot begin to address how important your feelings are and nobody can say that your feelings are wrong. But you are the one that is doing the deciding in your life. YOU are the one that makes the difference for better or worse in your life. How you choose to engage with the world is your decesion. So, my Li'l two cents here is pretty much in the same vein of others in encouraging you to be a part of it all. Be who you want to be... damn everything but the circus... and above all, strive to have fun.

xo
~*W"

"I am a GG (KIRA) and I support all of you for good reason. You are who you are.
Of course all of the above advice is great, to be read a couple of times over.

1st -- Every negative thing you are encountering is your perspective (that you were likely taught as a child) and isn't really yours isn't. It is what others told you you are and should be. It is a story about yourself that you have been taught to believe. Now you get to make your own story-From your adult mind, that is YOUR philosophy, not someone Else's.
(I learned this from an intensive seminar with Jason Brody, and it had a huge impact if you can realize how true it is and how the "Story drilled into your head as you grew up is not your creation, but at a very vulnerable time you accepted it as truth) I mentioned to him that this seminar would be a huge help (and he is planning to set one up) in the future EXCLUSIVELY FOR people like you, TG, transition, cross dressers, drag enthusiast, just people who only dress at home, LGBT, etc. For me, the lesson was life changing.
2nd -- There is RuPaul saying "If you can't love yourself-How the hell are you going to be able to love someone else" paraphrase I'm sure.
3rd -- There is my hero David Viscott: "If you must know what other people think, it has more to do about themselves then how they feel about you, Other people are are probably wondering what you think about them."

Think about that."

From the original poster...

"I'm the type of person that has to analyze everything and come up with a solution to the problem. The problem was not me looking at people or how I was dressed, it is my face. I took Gina's advice and I studied all of my photos back to 2007 and the one thing that keeps standing out is my chin,lips and nose. My solution: After I see my Doc in May I will find a plastic surgeon and have my chin and lips done. I will then take new photos and study them to see if I need to have my nose done. I do know that after my real hair grows out I may need to have my forehead done but that can wait.
The second part of the problem is that I have no one to go out with and I spend months alone in my apt in Brooklyn. This makes it hard to desensitize myself.

I thank you all for your help and I make you this promise, I will attend ALL the VWS events and I ALWAYS!!! keep my promise. If I start to flake out just remind me of that promise.

btw
Anyone know of a good plastic surgeon?"

"Geez, not much else I can add here. Your solution to your experience the other night is retreating to your room when you should be doing exactly the opposite. You cannot progress and evolve as who you are by dressing up in your room. Do what is difficult. It pays dividends. I had overcome my fear of going out in public but it wasn't until I went to Vegas last year with the Wild Side group that I learned how to go out in public and laugh and have fun as me. This is your ideal opportunity to go for it!!"

"Just one more thing as I have been thinking about you all day. Anyway I see you where I was last year when I first found Wild Side. I used to go out all the time but then I stopped due to a situation I ran into and I too thought I wasn't passable til the other girls here gave me the same advice you are now getting. Well I started going out again last Halloween at a club just down the street. I had a great time and won best costume even though I did not consider what I was wearing a costume. Well I had the urge back and a couple of weeks later I went again and now I go every Friday night and most Sunday nights. I even went to a club on Cape Cod last weekend which was about 40 miles. Last Friday night I left the club early cause I did not like the band and on the way home I stopped at the liquor store about a mile from home and went in and bought a 6 pack. No looks, no comments as I was just another customer. Of course when I go into a place now I go in as if I own the place."

"Don't forget what Sharon said, give the hormones some time too, they will soften and feminize your face to a degree

I'm certainly have no qualms about cosmetic surgery's ( look at my track record LOL ) but you shouldn't move too fast till you see what the hormones do for you.

Don't forget what many have touched upon, ( and I know your resistant to accept this ) that not all the work to be done by you is physical, there are some psychological/attitude/self confidence issues to be recognized and worked upon."

» Some kinda sorta friendly words of encouragement
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» A MUST READ ARTICLE: Theresa Sparks; An AWESOME & INSPIRATIONAL story of TG success!!