I posted this over on the support thread, but I was very proud of what I wrote, so I wanted to share it here in my lil personal space!

I have this friend on another site, who is just starting that long, gnarly road called TRANSition! She doesn't go out much, but did so the other night and didn't have the most favorable (at least in her mind) of reactions for the everyday "folk". Her confidence was badly shaken and was seeking some solace amongst friends.

I kinda laid into her (trying to stay as pleasant as I could) but give her some "tough love" at the same time. (The names have been changed to protect the innocent Cool )...


Sweetie, ya gotta slow down and breathe lil bit!

First off, I gotta say, I fucking HATE the word passing! Who gets to judge if we pass in our own lives or not? Is it the elusive "they" we always here about?? If people aren't down with you, I say give them a big, double barrel NYC FUCK U!

Now, that being said, and I don't want to rattle you anymore, but I think it's time for some constructive criticism. Remember, I'm saying this cause I love, and want to see you succeed; remember that! One of the keys to success here is blending in...looking NATURAL! I say this only trying to help, but you gotta lose the blue eye shadow! No offense to anyone, but it seems a lil to RuPaulish to me. Get yourself a professional makeover or some make up lessons. Find out what colors "you are" and that will help give you a more natural look. I'd also look for another wig. The hairline looks too low and unnatural. It looks totally "wiggy", if ya know what I mean! It took me about 9 different styles before I had found the style that suited me. Ya just can't look at a wig on a model and say "oh yeah, that will work for me". Ain't gonna happen!!! You have to think of your facial shape and how the hair is going to accentuate that. The key word here again is NATURAL! You need to think of subtle, natural looking colors (you are on the right track by staying close to your own hair color!!) and how the hair lies on your head and around your face. Lastly, I think YOU HAVE to find a wig that has bangs! I know bangs aren't totally the preferred look for everyone, but unless you are a magician with make up and spirit gum and all that theatrical stuff, there is no more deadly give away than that horrific "wig" hairline! It just SCREAMS fake hair and at least with bangs, you are able to hide that fake hairline!

Another thing I'd do is get out that lil camera of yours and start taking hundreds upon hundreds of pix of yourself! Better yet, do video. Fuck all those sexy pose bullshit and just concentrate on being real. I know you like football, so I have an analogy for ya, think of pic or video taking as your "pre-season". Take that "film" and study it! I'll tell you this, I learned more about how to present myself from my bad pictures than the best one I ever took! Instead of instantly deleting the pix you don't like, blow them up! Study them, make notes, critique yourself unmercifully! You'll find that seeing a totally gnarly pic of yourself (and trust me, I've seen tens of THOUSANDS of my own), sobers ya up and makes you think of ways to alleviate whatever was so bad in that pic, so it doesn't happen again!

Think of things like this, you basically trying to unlearn an entire lifetime of male mannerisms and in it's place trying to replace that with things women learned in their pre-teens and beyond, right? Remember, being a girl is just as much about attitude and mannerisms than it is about looks!!!! I spent YEARS studying women! I'm sure to them I was just some pervy looking "guy" but there was nothing sexual about my staring. I was studying how they dressed, how they talked, how they used their hands when they talk, how they got up from a chair, how they sat down, how they walked, held a fork or a glass, even how they hold the damn steering wheel. And guess what, I still do it! It's never ending, you never stop picking up hints and tips on ways to make yourself more feminine! I say, get yourself a subscription to a couple of women's magazines and READ them from cover to cover every month!! As silly as it may sound, look into getting Teen Cosmo (actually called Cosmo Girl). Getting a magazine like that is going to give you some basics that women learned years ago. I also like Allure cause I always learn tricks and tips that even gg's may not know yet and it's huge help, plus you see what things are in style, and basically just helps immerse yourself in feminine ways.

Sharon is right, transition ain't for sissies! It takes a VERY strong person to go through what we go through, and it's funny, I wouldn't wish being trans on my worst enemy, but I also wouldn't change it for the world. I relish it, and I work everyday to try and make it more and more "mine". You gotta get out more, cause then and ONLY then, will you gain the confidence you need to make it in this world. Unless you have a job as a professional "shut in"! So when I hear you say things like "I'm only going to the suite parties" or whatever, I say BULLSHIT!!!! You may as well just tear up your ticket and stay home. I don't mean to sound like a total bitch, hun, but seriously, this is your chance of a lifetime, don't blow it! You have an opportunity to expand and explore who YOU REALLY is with the love and support of your friends all around you! Support breeds confidence, babe!! Trust me, I know this from experience! I was in almost the EXACT same boat as you when I went to Vegas in 2007! I never went out, I only really interacted over the computer. But going going on that trip and PROMISING myself that I was gonna kick that shy person to the curb and embrace GINA was paramount to where I am today! Being around those wonderful people I met on that first trip and the support and friendship they gave me; gave me the courage to do things I never thought I'd be doing. Simple shit like going to a grocery store, or sitting down in a crowded restaurant. But once I did these things and realized the sky wasn't falling in, it just gave me the strength and drive to push my boundaries further and further. YOU have this chance on this trip to Vegas, sweetie! PLEASE, PLEASE, don't squander this golden opportunity for personal growth and confidence building!

Sorry for going off like that Sweetie, ya know I love ya! If I didn't I wouldn't have spent the last 45 minutes writing this. I know your confidence is low, but you have to remember, this whole process of transition and anything else you want to call it, is a really slow one and you have to have gobs and gobs of patience to make it work right! You are gonna have setbacks, no doubt, but from those you just make yourself stronger, you learn from them negatives and MAKE them positives and continue moving forward!!!

I do hope you feel better, Babe!! We all got your back, so onward and upward!!