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 a letter to Dr. Laura

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KayFox

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Posts : 11
Join date : 2009-04-20
Location : Santa Fe, NM

PostSubject: a letter to Dr. Laura   Thu Apr 23, 2009 4:37 pm

I just had to share this Twisted Evil

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people
who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22
and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open
letter to Dr. Laura penned by Jim, the sarcasm king. It's funny, as well as
informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thanks for doing much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned
a great deal from your show, & try to share that knowledge with as many
people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for
example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be
an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however,
regarding some other specific laws & how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing
odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9.=2 0The problem is my neighbors. They claim the
odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.
In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is menstrually
unclean - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking,
but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female,
provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a coworker who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly
states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination -
Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
their temples, though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How
should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My Bro has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops
in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and
blaspheme a lot.

Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole
town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them
to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with
their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

Your devoted fan,

Jim
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